Marriage

How do we not sound controlling when we are seeking help from our spouse

 So I follow this blog club31women. Today in my inbox I got a email with her latest post “how to be anything but a controlling wife” http://club31women.com/controlling-wife/ Ironically the perfect post for this morning as I have a tendency to be just that however unintentional it is. In reading it though a few thoughts crossed my mind. While she really did an excellent job giving some tips on how to not be that controlling wife that is essentially where it stopped. Which is fine because that is exactly what she was posting about. However, if made me think and do a little self-evaluation. First it made me realize that I do have a tendency to be “aggressively helpful” on occasion, but then it got me thinking. How do we not sound controlling when we are seeking help from our spouse ?

     So here is a problem I have run into a few times over my marriage. It usually involves house work. Often times I will be working really hard to get the house and then keep the house clean. My husband is a car and electronic guy which means most everything that looks like trash to me is somehow an important part of whatever he is working on. My problem comes in when I want to have a clean house and I just can’t seem to get him on board with helping me. It can be frustrating because I can’t really clean up his stuff since everything is breakable and has to go in a certain place. In an effort to not be a nagging wife though I don’t want to just keep telling him every single day clean this, do that, etc. I’m his wife not his mother. I also don’t want to come across as a controlling wife. It I really hard not to sound controlling when you are telling someone to do something. If you are in a similar situation where you really want your spouse’s help but you don’t want to be a controlling wife then here are a few suggestions as to what you can do that may help you get your husband on board with the plan.  

Make a plan:

Don’t freak! I know you’ve had a mental cleaning plan in your mind for weeks and you are just trying to find the time to do it. But actually make a plan. Writ it type it whatever but get it down where someone else can see what you are mentally thinking. Put it in a central location so that your husband can see what you are trying to accomplish and chances are he will start finding things to do to help.

Late night clean up

I am that person I get so much more done in the wee hours of the morning then I do at nearly any other point in the day. Take a Friday or Saturday night (or whatever day you don’t have to go to work the next morning) and have a late night cleaning party. Turn the lights on, music up and pick a room to start the focus of your cleaning party. You’ll get a lot done and have tons of fun doing it. It is also a really good way to have some quality time with your man because chances are the kids will be nowhere in sight when you start cleaning 😉

Ask don’t tell

Ask him for his help don’t just tell him what to do. Demanding his help does not end well.

Start without him

Often times if you start a project he will start to wonder what you are doing and end up coming to help

 

Communicate

Talk to him. Tell him what you are feeling and that you need his help. We often forget that our husbands aren’t mind readers. If we want help, ask for it. Otherwise they assume we are good and that we will “call them when we need them.” Communication is and always will be the key to anything in marriage.  

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